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Most of us want to hear the truth (as long as it is favorable). When I was a child, my grandmother would say, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say it." She called it "being polite." Little did I know then that "being polite" was a behavior practiced daily by adults in business.
Avoiding Conflict
Whether someone is participating in a meeting or a performance review, politeness trumps straight talk. Organizations are full of polite people who withhold how they feel or what they think for fear of offending someone and creating conflict. Disagreement or contention is often mistaken for disrespect. Straight talk is not for public consumption. However, "polite cultures" can easily become passive aggressive organizations that look happy on the surface but feel unauthentic.
Competing Truths
Our experiences shape our beliefs, which, in turn, form our world view. Put two or more people together, and, in due course, each is voicing a competing truth. Yet, most people fear and shrink from conflict. Occasionally, there is sufficient mutual trust and mutual respect for people to lay their cards on the table.
Evaluating Others
Many of us listen through a filter of evaluation - Do I agree or disagree? Is the other person right or wrong? We usually hold our evaluations to ourselves.
Straight talk can occur only when it pays off for both the individuals and the organization. Unconsciously, everyone asks himself or herself, "Do the benefits of talking straight and working through conflict exceed the potential costs in terms of personal risk and damaged relationships?"
View from the White House
Recently, I interviewed former presidential advisor David Gergen. I asked him, "How does one advise the leader of the free world?" Here is his response:
"Carefully! In terms of talking to Presidents, the first thing to learn is to speak truth to power. Sometimes you can be out of step with what the President wants to hear, and you risk disfavor. It is probably even more important to speak conscience to power."
"Pushing the Edge" of Your Thinking
- What would an organization be like if people felt they could fully express themselves?
- Can an organization encourage contention and still be respectful? If so, in what way(s)?
- Can straight talk go up the hierarchy without retribution? Why or why not.
- Can straight talk go down the hierarchy without fear? Why or why not.
- What do leaders have to do to create a climate of straight talk?
Feel free to share this mailing with your friends and colleagues. I welcome your feedback.
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